Amazing Grace

The highlight of this weekend is not the fact that I went to church after being absent for so long.

It started on Friday, when my Mom was giving me a guilt trip for being 28 and haven't yet find myself a "girlfriend" over a phone conversation. She then used my Nanny as an excuse. She said, "I will be at peace after you find yourself a girlfriend. I won't die waiting to hear from you like your Nanny did."

Low blow, I know. But just like any other typical Asian Moms, they like to use guilt trip and find whatever reasons that can provoke their sons' emotions. For a good reason, of course. I didn't let it bother me...didn't even make it a big deal...or at least I thought so...

'Til tonight, when I went to church after not going for so long. My intention was to just catch up and reconnect with God. Not having any expectations on trying to feel spiritually stronger or anything of that sort. Then during the Offertory, the choir sang "Amazing Grace," the song my family sang to my Nanny right before she passed...

I broke down. Because the whole time I was in church, I had the thoughts of going back home, I missed my family so so much and the only reason why I am here is because I am gay and I don't know how my family in Indo can take it if I was to come out to them. I just miss my Nanny so much and for some reason when that song played, I just feel like she was with me that moment. And everything else just didn't matter.

This weekend was not my ideal weekend. It started rocky with an silly argument with the bf, then his car broke down and that put our relationship to a test. We passed. Suck that.

I seek love here because the tremendous love that I have from my family is far out of reach. So at lonely times, I start counting my blessings here.

Thank you, for a rocky weekend that makes me appreciate the smallest things, like calling Prelita while driving and sharing silly stories just to get some laughs, or getting a kiss on my forehead from the bf, after finding out I drooled on his shirt while sleeping over.

New week, new adventure.

I miss you, Kice.
A lot.