A polite hook up request...

I'm not sure if I should feel offended by his intention or flattered by his politeness...

The Awakening

I stumbled upon this...I thought I'd share...

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

SF, What Up?!

There’s a thing about San Francisco that reminds me of the fog, the rain, the wet pavement on 23^rd and Noriega, the hot & comforting won ton soup, dim sum in Chinatown, sweaty-dancing-nights at Lime or Dragon, great friendships, great dates, not so great dates, and the most haunting one, a heart break.

It wasn’t a secret that a big part of my moving up there, aside from getting my master degree, was because I was trying to get over a breakup.

Why this thought?

It’s official. I am registered for the San Francisco Marathon 2010 on July 25^th.

The first marathon I ran was in San Diego with my ex. It was because I always went running with him when he was training…I wasn’t running for myself.

Now, 4 years, a heartbreak, a big move, a master degree, 20-something dates, another big move, another mini-heartbreak, a great job, a promotion on the great job, 10 (hopefully muscle) lbs later, I am running a marathon again.

This isn’t just another marathon to prove that I can do better. This is a run for part of my gloomy days in SF, this is a run for part of my sunny days in SF, this is a run for my moving-on-struggles in SF, this is a run for my new friendships in SF, this is a run for my master degree in SF.

But, most importantly, this is a run that will constantly remind me that I am not just running …but I am chasing something: a better Yonius. Every single mile of it.

This is a run for me.

So, what up, SF. Not only I'll be taking off my shirts at mile 18 or so because it's going to weigh me down...but I'll be cursing at your pavements, your hills, and all the spots that remind me of being sad and gloomy in SF...but when I cross the finish line, I'll be thanking you, for being my "moving on" city.

Wish me luck.

Let this be a reminder of how I want myself to be.

Simple things

I came across this and would like to share...

Small things like that remind me of who I am deep down. I really enjoy simple moments and I think it's so precious that no one can touch them, no one can appreciate them more than you when you're experiencing each of them. I know...emo...but it's true!

That smile on your face when you got a phone call on your way to work in the morning from a very dear friend and she said, "Hi, rushing to work, I have lots of stuff to do but just wanted to call and say that I love you."

Or a random dinner with your best friend and at the end of the night, she said "I wish you're my uncle."

I'm the luckiest friend ever.

Now I'm gonna do #4..."Hey Soul Sister" by Train on repeat :)

Good night, world.

Sunday Evening

Just a little rant...

From Monday to Friday, I bury myself in work stuff, then I normally have plans for the weekend...then Sunday comes. During the day, I can still plan my Sunday like a nice brunch or mini-hiking trips.

But Sunday evening...Sunday evening is the day where you just want to chill, prepping for your Monday to begin...just being lazy...

That's when I feel alone the most.

Not sure if they have a song for Sunday Evening...but if there is, playing one right now would be a perfect addition to how I feel this evening.

Dear Blog,

I haven’t been able to collect my thoughts lately. I think partly it's because I don't feel like sharing/complaining about anything at all.

A lot of things happened such as me turning 28, experiencing my very first car accident (very minor), finished designing my very first published book for my company, and a very reflective birthday weekend getaway.

In all honesty, those experiences seemed just a little petty for me to share. I'm really not sure why. Then I realize how life can be pretty lonely once you get older. I think at a certain age, generally late twenties, all your friends already kinda know where they’re going and they have their own experiences to go through. Perhaps that's why? Maybe I just don't want to come off as a whiner when I have my worries/troubles or to the other extreme, a bragger when good things happen to me.

My need for more gay friends is growing stronger and stronger. It gets lonely if you don’t have someone who understands your sexual preference and identity. Someone to talk to and bounce gay jokes with here and there. It’d be ideal to have my own group of gay friends. I am lonely. I must admit. And I don’t even yearn for that special someone anymore. I just need more friends. Am I whining?

I'm content with where I am, really. I have a job, I drive a nice car, I have a somewhat healthy lifestyle. Really nothing to complain about. Am I bragging?

When my friends ask me "So what's new with you?" I really don't have anything to say...it bugs me for some reason.

Thank goodness I have you.

Love,

Your friend

PS: Giving up Facebook & Downelink for lent...let's see how long this will last. Also, read this. Moved my heart :)

The word "NEW"

New year is a big deal because it marks people's full 12 months of lives, 365 days, 525,600 minutes of their moments. We make resolutions to better ourselves.

2009 was good for me. I made another big move, I found a job, I moved on, I made new friends, went to a lot of concerts, gained some muscle weights, and most of all, I made stronger bonds with my close friends.

My 2009 is also remarked by an interest from an old friend, a confession of "love" from someone who's in a relationship, and numerous invitations for a Ménage à trois....only from 1 couple...relax..hahah...

A part of me wants 2010 to be the same, meaning I want life to keep going steady as it is...because the end of 2009 has been one of the most decent time for me.

Another part of me, however, hope for better days, better than my so called "decent" life thus far.

Then, I realized...things don't have to change...things CAN get better...but instead of making a "bang" out of 2010, I'm just going to waltz in...no biggie..casually..like that one regular chinky-eyed dude walking into a club...hoping for nothing, no agenda...but have the best interest in bettering the world by bettering himself...one day, one minute at a time :)

Here's to a "new" Yonius...not knowing what to expect, embracing each trials, failures, and success of life, love, and happiness.

So what is my resolution? to keep reminding myself, that, sometimes, "unfamiliarity" is good.

Happy "unfamiliar" Year, everyone. :)

All I want for Christmas is...

A better Yonius

*SIGH*

Whoever get this...and is single...call me..

I am definitely his....

Love is... :)

Waiting...

I woke up this morning and it just dawned on me. This whole time, I was being a hypocrite.

Here I am telling myself everyday that love will happens when it happens. But yet, I am waiting...just waiting for it to happen.

There are a lot of wise sayings out there that I grew up with, believe in, and told to...one of which is don't wait, do something.

Oh I did something alright. I joined match, I go out on dates. I am putting myself out there.

At first, I realized that the "It will happen when it happens" and the "waiting" part are two completely contradictions. Then I had a further realization...thanks to my boy, Adi...

He called...and told me the homili for this week...long story short, a woman and her daughter were standing in line when shopping a day after Thanksgiving day...then the daughter, impatiently asked her Mom, "Why do we have to wait?" The Mom, smiling at her daughter, answered "Waiting is a good thing."

So this whole time...I never realized this...I was being impatient. What a perfect way to end my Sunday night...thank you, Adi. :)

"But who can distinguish between falling in love and imagining falling in love? Even genuinely falling in love is an act of the imagination."

- John Irving

Chemistry 101

Funny how it works.

You can fulfill all the criteria I want in a guy...but you need chemistry to make it complete.

I miss that feeling.

Teach me again.

Type Orgasm!!!!

thanks, Joey for sharing this:

New Project: Match.com

Lame...Leen and I just signed up on....yes....match.com

And we're gonna write a blog on each "encounter" we experience...let that be email chains, online chatting conversations, phone conversations, and of course, the actual date(s)...this is going to be fun...

We spent $135.94 collectively....

This better be worth it...

Surroundings...

A quiet Saturday night calls for a reminisce on my surroundings...here are a few that's been sticking in my head lately:

Random conversations

Me: I'm going out on a date with this Indian guy...
Leen: They stink...might as well stick with the black guys...at least they're hotter

(while on a date, a text from Leen)
Leen: Is [his accent] as thick as his scent?

- • -

Me: You better invite me to your wedding
Dan: Of course! Heck, you keep it up, you might be standing at my wedding

- • -

An email from Tinia:

"I want you to save money as much as you can. In a year or couple years, hopefully you can buy your 1st condo or something, and then, let's just pray that gay marriage is legalized in Cali by then and you have the perfect man by yourside (by then) Always remember, saving is a must, you never know when it's going to rain, and besides, house and wedding needs a lots of money and love I know u like to go out, but please try to save as much as u can"

Tinia

- • -