will it be better?

the more I try to move on, the more I seem to drift myself away from Bong, which is suppose to be the natural effect of moving on. funny how one day you think you know someone very well then when everything is over, you can't even read that person anymore. Shattered? perhaps not...disappointed? a little bit...hurt? the pain is inevitable...but i know suffering is optional...my senses is on the right track...it's just kinda hard to control the non-suffering feeling...*sigh*...I guess moving on is simple...it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult...

still waiting for it to be better...

half way there

i hope...

Realization

seriously...i need to get over it...leen is right...i need to live by her motto...i just need to f*ckin get over it...the more i think about it, the more i think this is all not worth getting all sad and disappointed over.....i think i just transitioned to the "realization" stage...realization of how STUPID of me to even think about giving myself a time to be sad and disappointed. stupid Yo stupid Yo....

?

why do I still feel bitter?

gloomy day

when things came to an end, you tend to think about the beginning...especially something or someone that you hold very dear to your heart. You remember where you bought the laptop you broke, you remember vividly what was the weather like when you picked up your very first pet, you remember what place you went on your first date, what you did...reminiscence...it's funny yet it makes a lot of sense.

I think I just want to hold on to those good memories and just remember that at least they were parts of my life. Til now, my heart still aches when I think about it...time will heal it...and I'm still waiting...

*sigh*

This Ain't a Love Song
Bon Jovi

I should have seen it coming when roses died
Should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
I should have listened when you said good night
You really meant good bye
Baby, ain't it funny, how you never ever learn to fall
You're really on your knees, when you think you're standing tall
But only fools are "know-it-alls" and I played that fool for you

I cried and I cried
There were nights that died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy, baby

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

Baby, I thought you and me would stand the test of time
Like we got away with the perfect crime but
We were just a legend in my mind
I guess that I was blind
Remember those nights dancing at the masquerade
The clowns wore smiles that wouldn't fade
You and I were the renegades, some things never change

It made me so mad 'cause I wanted it bad for us baby
Now it's so sad that whatever we had, ain't worth saving
If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I've cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong - this ain't a love song

F**K!

i can't stop
i hate this
i need to get over this. F**K !

H.U.R.T

I'm sorry I had to do this
I'm not one who can just do a smooth transition from lovers to friends
I need time
I'm still hurt
I'm bitter
I don't wanna be angry...I hope you understand.

Robin Thicke concert

So tonight I went to HOB Anaheim to see Robin Thicke...this concert was actually my second one after No Doubt in 2001. It was really good. I am glad he ended it with an old school song: "Let's stay together" that was really dope. Thanks to Emmett for getting tickets for us. Seemed like he enjoyed it the most compare to all of us.

On the poopy side, I hate to feel angry. Angry with the whole situation...I think I know what to do to prevent things from getting worse. This is the time where I have to be selfish.

Go On Girl... - NeYo

Please dont worry bout me im fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say
That i'll be ok
Go on girl
Go on girl
Go on girl

the mistake i made is clear
thats the reason youre not here
not a single salty tear
not a feeling in my chest
baby im feeling no stress
im too fly to be depressed

Go on Girl

Peace be with you...

So today was a pretty chill day. Woke up pretty late around noon...made some rice for Leen's beef stir fry left over...then we just chilled at our newly decorated living room, vegged out and watch the Break up from HBO ... then we went to the beach...laid there for 2 hours or so...then got home and I took Leen to the church with me. It was her first time and it was pretty interesting...she felt the same way I feel whenever I go to church...peace....i'm glad I could share that with her....*sigh*....may peace be with you =)

May 10, 2007

Rest in Peace, Belle...

after love...

you know for sure that it is sad when you start googling the internet to find out how to cope with a break up....i'm sad...guilty as charged...nothing surprising on the web...everything is pretty much the same....they tell you to write a journal, spend more time with friends, find something new to do...yadda yadda yadda....i think...i'm overlooking these tips...reading them is completely different than actually doing them....i should start doing....

made my day

she made my day yesterday....

SUPPORT

sup·port (sə-pôrt', -pōrt')

1. To hold in position so as to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping.
2. To be capable of bearing; withstand
3. To keep from weakening or failing; strengthen


...



Can you really forgive if you can't forget?

when it rains, it pours

This whole thing is starting to get at me. I can't just sit here in my apartment doing nothing. This whole situation is making me hard to move forward...the whole world seems to be stopping. I know that I have to snap out of this, I know what to do, I know it all...but it certainly is easier said than done...I NEED to do something and keep myself occupied...*SIGH* I know this is something I gotta do...starting all over again is hard...

One and a half year...

Today is exactly one and a half year from October 29, 2006...We failed...At least we failed trying...

giving up...

2004 when I came back here to pursue my interest in Graphic Design...I have completed it...not only that...I have completed it SUCCESSFULLY. I thought I was gonna build a great career with my marketing background as well. I thought everything is going to be a smooth ride.

I just found out I didn't get the visa after all despite the drama that happened with my company. About a week ago, USCIS did the random selection already and they have notified the petitioners whom applications are being processed now. I am one of the people who didn't get it. Just about two weeks ago I am thinking really positively...it's starting to fade away now. There is no point of trying to do it the right way and didn't get it at the end while thousands, or even millions of people out there are staying here illegally. Not to talk shit about them or anything because I do know they're not having it any easier but still...the injustice exists.

I do have backup plans...but I just wish I won't be using any of them...and I am starting to wonder if this is all worth it...

NY TRIP

Was off the hook! It was freezin cold but I had soooo much fun...thanks to Glenn *ahem* we stayed at this ghettoest hotel ever...where you come in...you smell chinese food...with this chinese lady who works at the front desk goin "no mo loom left...you wait...see those people? u wait like them...." lol....I saw Rent again and this time we were in the very first row...I could literally see them spitting when they were singing lol...it was soo much fun...*sigh* now back to reality and I have to find a job =( help me!

Random Rant

So I guess I'm at the acceptance point. Everyone goes through hard times...this is just my time...Its been a really rough month for me. As one of my co-workers puts it....it is a perfect storm. This week also has taught me that I gotta start appreciating little things that pass us by everyday....simple things like gazing at stars while strolling at the beach at night..that was kinda cool...better yet..wishing upon a shooting star :). I know this is a trial...everything happens for a good reason. I'm also reminded that family comes first...I miss them more than I thought I do...

With Bong, things are getting more and more awkward, which I really hate. I feel like I have to watch what I say in front of him. I guess my selfish wish would be for us to be friends just like that...but I realize this needs time...I can only patiently wait without denying that things would be different....I'd rather it to be the beginning of the end than the long goodbye...