It's done!

So I'm done with my finals...YAY! all I'm waiting for are the grades from each class...I just hope I got As...I freaking deserve it! this is what I did for KBToys.com

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Leavin to OC tomorrow for 10 days...can't wait to see Calie again =]

small sh*t

Trust me I am not a hateful person...but I seriously don't like it when people lie and try to manipulate you into doing whatever they want you to do...or believe whatever they want you to believe at that time....that's just FAKE....fake people bothers me and therefore I don't associate myself with them....*sigh*...i'm glad that's out of my chest...i feel better now...thanks Blog! lol....

Fisherman Wharf - Sausalito

Yeap...I biked that bridge across to Sausalito...my butt still hurts but damn, it was worth it :)

Thanks to Prelita...my day today was started with this quote:

As we willingly enter each place of fear, each place of deficiency and insecurity in ourselves, we will discover that its walls are made of untruths, of old images of ourselves, of ancient fears, of false ideas of what is pure and what is not.
- Jack Kornfield

It makes me feel positive =)

appreciation

very very underrated. as i learned i shouldn't have taken anything personally anymore because i am nobody for anyone anymore. although gray is one of my favorite colors, i hate gray area at this moment. i can't deal with negativity....

random thoughts...

so last night...flo rida never showed up haha....good thing we only paid $10 to get in....one highlight of my day today is this:



she's the only one that keeps my life going right now...

LOW

Prelita is draggin me to see FLOrida tonight in the city...I hope he's good...all I know is he sings "Apple bottom jeans....bla bla bla...the whole world is looking at her....shotty got low low low low"

W*E*I*R*D

I haven't felt like this ever since the first month I moved up....hmmmm....

TEST

These past week has been a test for me. First I lost my cell phone. Then I am overcoming this flu that has been living in my body for the past 10 days. AND THEN...I got a ticket today. FUCK...FUCK...FUCK....i know I typed it...I'm pissed. I know this shall pas...it's just a test...life is a roller coaster right? Despite all that though. I still love SF. Amen to that.

whole week cold

Soooo....I've been having this cold since last week and it kills me to not get over it. I admit I haven't been really taking care of myself lately which I totally should =(....I also lost my cell phone this week and that totally bummed me out...Oh, I have a new bff to explore the city around...prelita...she's sick too LoL so I don't have to worry about gettin her sick....highlight of the week...I'm done with one of my classes...our presentation went really well...our company is Zipcar and we made an ad based on our research....hells ya I designed it =) woot woot...it was so appropriate too that we wore green cuz it's St. Patrick day weekend. So...this is our IMC ad for zipcar......

Went to church today and I felt peaceful...but I have a mild fever now...I miss OC and I don't think it's cuz of the place..it's cuz of the people I love down there...I miss them...*sigh* can't wait to feel 100% normal again so I can go back to the gym and be active.....

random thoughts...

I think I need some time for myself....

Bittersweet...

That's exactly how I feel tonight....
=(

SF Local...

Today is the first day I feel like a local. Someone in the Muni bus asked me "Is this going downtown?" and I answered surely "No, it's the other way around." Then we got off at the same stop and I gave him direction to get downtown...damn I felt like a local...LoL....it's been two months and every time I stop and take my time walking home, I still can't believe I'm in SF. *SIGH* I love the city :)

Sippin away my green milk tea with boba now.....contemplating if I should get the new Janet Jackson CD...I'm never a big fan of her but her spoofs of MTV's shows really crack me up...making me wanna support her for having such a great sense of humor.

weekend visit to the OC

So I think I accomplished a lot at the OC. Wednesday I got a massage at Massage Envy, thanks Bong for the treat. Then on Thursday and Friday, I hung out with my sister and my niece. I took some pictures of her...she's all grown and talk so much now....she's so cute. I finally moved all of my stuff from L108. Although I was pissed about the whole $30 extra that we had to cough up because the UHaul was dirty...that was bullshit. Then on Saturday night, I made my very first Arroz Kaldo for Bong cuz we're both sick....it turned out pretty good and I'm pretty damn proud of myself. I'm still sick though =( *COUGH* Anyways....below are some inspired pics that I took of my little angel......I miss her already....

And my favorite....

more pics...

It took me a while to post it...mondays and tuesdays are my classes nights...here are pics I took of Maria...she was the model of the day at Japan town ahaha...




Hip hop class tonight...so excited :)

photo 101

So I went to Little Italy and Japan Town yesterday with Maria...i miss my designing time...I made two things real quick...nothing too crazy but it squeezes a little bit of my creative juice...




Text messaging and smoking are fun topics haha....

Birthday Weekend

So I want to write about my birthday weekend just cuz it's so different from my previous birthdays, where I used to have all of my close friends celebrating it with me. This year, only two people who have been celebrating it with me came: Nathan and Emmett. I have to say, it's very interesting and I had a blast! Nate sure made my weekend special...he tries hard...thanks a bunch!!!....also, this year's bday I got a really cool present from my sister....i have to say it's one of the best bday gift ever:



I am the luckiest uncle...ever....

Erik's visit to SF

OK, so Erik visited from Friday, but I only brought my camera to the Conservatory of Flowers at Golden Gate park. Took some cool pictures....enjoy...

First pic I took was Adit on top of Erik..hmmm

Candid picture of John....he looks cool in this pic..

Maggie is so pretty...she's my muse for the day lol

Maggie's boyfriend, Paul...very cool guy...

Erik and John strolling at the park....awww...

Bao with her camera and Adi trying to look cool

Paul and Anne

Adi inside one of the glass houses

This plant is called Buddha Palm...or is it Buddha Hands? one of those hehehe.

Some pictures of flowers I took

More flowers...with Adi and John in it ehhehe

Nguyet and her fiancé, Chris...sweet girl and cool guy

RAWR

This is a really nice chandelier...

Cute couple...Paul and Maggie

Another cute couple...

Candid shot of Bao, Paul, and Anne

Erik looking hot and sexy...

Another cute picture of Maggie...she's so pretty.

It won't be a cool day without the three amigos picture..heheh

Then we ended the day with going to San Tung for dinner and then club hopping at night...it was overall a fun night...just finished having dim sum with Erik and they are actually on their way back to L.A. now....I'm glad he had fun...i had fun too...it's nice to have a friend come up and visit and explore the city together...being that it's only my third week here in Frisco....

The "new year" move

So I made it here in SF, in one piece....thank GOD, seriously. It wasn't a bad drive at all..it took me 6 hours to get here...I made two stops and that's it. The room is still a big mess. But I know it takes time to made it clean...I hope I can do it soon...preferably before school starts....

My first impression with the city other than its cold weather is that people here are very friendly and chatty...makes me feel dumb talking to them just cuz I'm not really well informed when it comes to up-to-date news...plus I'm not used to talking to strangers....but I love it!

I'm still sad just because I'm starting new...time to go to bed now...and I will end it with the classic lyrics that suits how I currently feel...

If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.

Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

(Instrumental solo)

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.

You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

Counting...

I only have one more week here in Orange County...I feel sad, excited, scared, nervous, stressed...everything in one bowl. It really hasn't hit me yet just cuz I don't have time to actually stop and think about it.

My sis place is a mess but I'm not gonna lie, I kinda enjoy the loneliness. This Christmas I got to spend it with Tinia. She helped me pack and although we didn't do a lot, it was great having a companion on Christmas eve. And then during Christmas day, I got to spend it with Erik, John, Adi and Nita...didn't do anything special..we just went and saw a movie, Sweeney Todd.

I have a feeling I won't be having time to write again until I'm actually up north. New city, new year, new life...I'm counting the days...

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble. --Titus Maccius Plautus

I have this unbearable feelings inside that I don't even know what to do with. I wanna tell you but I am afraid that they come out wrong. I don't know what to say...so I don't. But I know inside of me, there are words waiting to come out. I want to tell you how much I miss you and how much I love you despite my broken heart. And most of all, how I need you in my life and how much I want you. But those words will forever stay in my heart...

I hate break ups. Seriously.

updates

So a lot of stuff happened for the past couple of weeks. Went to San Francisco last week and checked out my new future campus, Golden Gate University. I had a good experience overall. The campus is a lot bigger than my current one and on top of that, the programs are better for the business. I went and took care of my paper works and finally, I got admitted. I will be moving up north on January 2.

Currently I am looking for someone who can sublease my apartment here in OC. On top of that, I'm juggling my finals for next week and packing at the same time. Three weeks is not enough for me. I'm excited but scared at the same time...which I think it's a normal feeling. I can't wait to start fresh in a new year.

I've been pretty occupied with the move, finals, apartment, so I think it's good because it helps me a lot with the coping. Although I miss Bong...I had a nice conversation with one of my closest friend, Andy, and although I know in my heart that I treat some group of friends as my family, sometimes a small talk just confirms that they are the closest of a family that I have here in the U.S.

I constantly say that I miss my family but now, I will truly miss them when I move up north. We learn, we grow, and like what Andy and I were talking about...goals are the only things that keep our lives going. It's going to be a good, bad, but interesting future and I will embrace every second of it.

K, enough for the mushy moment....time to write papers....

the boyfriend that is never happy

yes, that is me....so many goodbyes, sorries, thank yous have been said to you and I just want to let you know that you will always have a special place in my heart. I love you so much til this day and it hurts me to know that I can't be happy and there is nothing we can do to change that. I will have to move on and have that memories stay in my chapter....yonius, the boyfriend that is never happy.

there is still a lot for me to learn. Thank you for teaching me and every good things must come to an end, i guess....this isn't a goodbye...it's a new chapter of both of our lives as friends...I am very much looking forward to that...I know it will happen overtime....time is my only friend...

"It takes no time to fall in love. But it takes you years to know what love is" - Life is Wonderful, Jason Mraz

"If you should ever find someone new, I know he'd better be good to you. Cause if he doesn't I'll be there." - I'll be there, Jackson 5

I Love You. Very Much.

So today is Thanksgiving day...I have seriously never felt so alone...I think it's because I haven't been home for almost 4 years....A couple of days ago, I've heard the most heart-crushing-makes-me-really-wanna-go-home thing....my mom fell down from the stairs...rolling down...holding Calie...both of them got bruises everywhere...thankfully nothing serious happened...but still...hearing that makes me go very very weak....mom still has a sense of humor while telling me...makes me even more mad...she go "did you hear about mom and calie's kungfu move?".....i swear i think i got my sense of humor from her.....makes me sad when i think about home now...i really miss my family....the fact that my sis is back there doesn't help at all...

On a brighter note, I am thankful for my friends here...they have done anything they can do to make me feel occupied whether they do it intentionally or not...I love them for that...*sigh*

Happy Gobble Gobble you all

Life is too short to be negative

Love,

Yonius

*sigh*

In the words of one of my friends, "L":

"I know you love me. You just don't know how to love me."



well put, my friend...thanks for the in 'n out

focus

I need to focus...
I can't let this whole thing bring me down...
I'm so angry...

I can't wait

to start all over.......


i miss Simba

The way love goes...

I remember how you used to wait by the phone
Counting every minute that I was gone
And you used to call me sweet things in the morning light
After you would hug me so tender
Each and every night
Lately you got so much to do
And your never at home
By the time I get to see you
You need your time alone
Ive been too afraid to ask you
But I need to know

Is this the way love goes
Say it isnt so
Is this the way love goes
Right before my eyes
Wearing a disguise
I need to know
Is this the way love goes

Staring at a photograph of you and I inframed
When I blink my eyes you start to fade away
Oh, I recall that day in fall and all the things you said
All of the promises that you never kept
Lately you got so much to do
And youre never at home
When I finally get to see you
You need youre time alone
Ive been too afraid to ask you
But I need to know

Everybody needs to a love they can count on
Im the kind of man who needs to know exactly where I stand

Stayin up late at night Im wondering
How we can make it right
Never gonna say goodbye
Im crying
Find a way to make it right

that's what friends are for

I, of all people, am one of those people who told my friends about the importance of friendships. "boyfriends/girlfriends come and go...but friends, they stay." Although I have a lot of friends, they're grown apart from me now. Some have their significant other, some have their business, some have kids, some just have other issues to deal with.

I have never felt any lonelier than this...it gives me a whole new perspective of my life. For those of you out there who has a best friend, best friends, a group of people that you hang out with often...hold on to them...because nothing is more important than your friendship with them. Times like this make me miss my family a lot.

too late

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

that it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new - yeah

I loved you with the fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late...

Grey sky full of ashes

And what pisses me off the most is when I see people smoking out in the open and throw away their cigarettes on the ground as if nothing is wrong...i mean seriously...don't you guys inhale enough smokes from the fire already? dumb asses.....

I haven't felt nothing but bitterness since the weekend...i hate myself...

I like my experiment of the day:

*sigh* i have to be positive

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Hope is one motherfucking heartache.

Life imitates Art

another one...

So I took my car in again...this time is the battery....again....cost me about $125 to fix it including an oil change...
I feel a little numb about the whole car thing
Still can't wait til October 25th
My mood is blaaaaah....


Random thought: Although money certainly make things easier, I seriously don't need money to be happy....

Best friend

He/she's there when you need them...but you don't EXPECT anything from them....at least that's how I treat my best friends...

Hate That I Love You

*sigh* im gonna miss her

She'll be gone for 2 months =(. This is the pic I took on my sis' bbq bday. Isn't she just so adorable.....

I like what Lauren Conrad says "You can't love half a person...the good half."

Happy Birthday, Ace.

Just spend almost the entire day with my sis and her family for her bday. We went to dim sum, although the food was so so...Calie's presence made it so much fun. Then we went home and watch The Little Mermaid together, Calie kept wanting me to hug her and close her eyes...it was really cute...then whenever there's a song, she wants me to dance with her....today is a great day even though it's not officially over yet.

I have developed a weird taste of music eversince I don't have anything to do...I don't even understand the language but I'm loving it! it's called "Le chant des coquelicots" by Amélie-les-crayons. It's sexy.......

Day Two

And it's killing me already...I need something to do...

not to whine but i need a support system...and it's sad to say that i don't feel like i have any.

can't wait til Oct 25th

for some reason..the only thing that makes me happy today is the rain....good night

EXPECTATIONS

I have been feeling like I am not myself lately. With everything that is going on with work, and the fact that this week is my last week...maybe I'm trying to find a reason to justify the fact that I'm not happy. I find myself back where I was 6 or 7 months ago. There's a lot of questions that needed to be answered. There's a lot of doubts in my mind that perhaps needed to be straighten out. There's this dissapointment in me of this thing called "expectation". Why do we have it if it's just going to bring us down? Whatever has happened lately, made me look back on how I was raised in my family. I think my parents have played great roles on how I view relationships and love. I know it's no science, it's not as easy as having a manual for it and just follow the instructions and then you'll be successful at it. There's still plenty that I need to learn....

Do you say "I'm sorry" because it's a nice thing to say? or do you say "I'm sorry" because you really are? Where do you draw the line of trying to "change" someone and trying to "compromise" and meet in the middle?

I consider myself a passionate individual. Without passion, there is no sense of achievements. What is the point of living without passion? passion requires emotions. Achievements are set by goals. Without goals, what is there to achieve? With goals...there must be expectations...it is one viscious cycle. I fucking hate it. As corny as this sounds...only love keeps me going. I miss rain. I miss fall...i'm happy fall is coming.

Simple Things

Just copped your girl a brand new Rolex
But you can never find the time to spend at home
Thinkin' that's gon' keep her happy
Your time is all she wanted all along

[Chorus]
It's the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin' but don't hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated?
Searching for what's right in front of your face
But you can't see it

[Verse 2]
So you think that you know what's important
Steady chasin' your fame and your fortune
But you don't know
You're chasing a dime losin' a treasure
Those dollars don't make sense to me at all
Ooh, it goes

da da da da
You give her spending money
da da da da
But all she wanna spend is time alone (tonight)
Keep givin' her
The finer things but
But she don't really need that
If you don't stop you're
You're gonna end up alone (alone)
In the world without love (duh duh da duh da)
Why would you do it

[Chorus x2]
It's the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin' but don't hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated
Searching for what's right in front of your face
But you can't see it

It's the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin' but don't hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated
Searching for what's right in front of your face
But you can't see it (listen)

[Verse 3]
Stop tryna buy her love
'cos you won't ever have enough
There's always someone with more than you
You need to pay her attention
Give her what she needs
Do the simple thing
Before you lose your girl to me
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeeah
Yeeeah yeah
Play on playa
Yeah
Your girl comin' wit' me shorty, haha
I'm tellin' you man
'coz u know

[Chorus]
It's the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin' but don't hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated
Searching for what's right in front of your face
But you can't see it

[Bridge]
You better look out
I hear you talkin', i hear you talkin' (ha)
But what are you saying
Oh hoo oh hooo
Don't be a fool
You got a good thing
Man are you blind
Stupid or crazy?
You got a good thang (uh)
You got a good thang
If that's your lady
You better hold on
And give her what she wants
Before she move on
Man i'm tellin' you cars, clothes, and fancy things don't mean a damn thang
If you ain't caking n bakin' babe
[Chorus]
It's the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin' but don't hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated
Searching for whats right in front of your face
But you can't see it

Monday *sigh*

At least it almost ends...went to work at 12 noon today and told my boss about everything I should told him. It sucks to let go, but you gotta do what you gotta do...i feel blah today...honestly...not so much a good day...but glad I'm getting through it without loosing my mind....random thoughts time:

* people who cut other peoples' conversations annoy the hell out of me *
* i love Simba more and more everyday *
* people who don't rinse before they go to a public pool are grossing me out *
* don't cheat! *

last but not least...i love this quote...

“I never asked you to earn me. I want only that you should need me. Your path is not one of merit. Bring the recurring desires of your mind to me, every time they emerge. They cannot shock me, for I willed them! Bring me your confusion, your fear, your craving, your anxiety, your inability to love the world, your hesitation to serve, your jealousy, all the deficiencies that defy your spiritual disciplines.”

I hate not being able to go to sleep especially after a rough week at work

*grrrr*

so anyways, i've been wanting to write but just don't have time because of work...yeah...work...it's been negative lately...I hate the feeling of waking up early in the morning knowing that I'm about to do something I am not looking forward to doing...well..except for going to the gym part...

so here i am at 3:30 AM in the morning with my random thoughts:

people who doesn't clean up the toilet bowl after peeing is kinda gross
people who's not considerate about others is kinda gross
my car is gross
my niece is a diva
work sucks
i miss my family
earth quake in Indo doesn't help the fact that I miss my family
I can't wait til this month ends
RENT is a bitch

"you're making it complicated"

Just saw "Thank you for smoking" and I really like the quote the boy said to the father:

"No, you're making it complicated...so you can feel sorry for yourself."


Hmmmmmm interesting....

It's hot and I feel blah today....

Wait til she's 4.

So I hung out with my niece today and oh how much I missed her....last time I saw her, I was amazed with her "ABC" and "123" being only one year and a half...and now...she can do the entire alphabets! How AMAZING is that? granted she still can't pronounce some letter names right but OH MY GOD, the kid is going to be the most brilliant asian girl in her class lol......she's soooooo cute.....she's soo cute that she's on my wallpaper at work....my boss was like, "she's cute."...."wait til she's 4." hahaha.....don't grow up too fast, calie! love ya!

Alcone Marketing

So for those of you who don't know, I have started my new job about 4 weeks ago at this one Marketing company called Alcone Marketing. So far, I am loving it. This company is the truly kind of advertising agency that I want to work for. The company's building is a two-story building and we just moved from upstairs to downstairs today. The dowstairs floorplan is just off the hook. We have this one room that's called a "fun zone" where we can lounge, read magazines, play ping pong, basket ball....just chill whatever...it's really great...what marked the day today is the fact that we had pizza AND beer for lunch at the fun zone....Tecate just happened to be one of our clients so we get fully stocked with Tecate....AWESOME!!!

perplexity

can you really pick up the pieces and rebuild?

DA F*CK!?!?!?!???

So I just did something totally last minute and crazy....I think the pictures below that was taken by Leen can explain it better...


my entire body is still shaking...thanks roomie for being a part of that crazy experience...and thanks for driving....i hope you find it amusing cuz it's very rare I make that painful expression...

buy me a drank...

this weekend was good....no no...this weekend was awesome! got to leave early from work on friday, then hung out with Erik for a bit, then ended the night with Shark Club with Leen...despite the nasty warm grey goose shots with ICE WATER as chaser...we managed to have fun and woke up with a pretty bad hang over and a couple of bruises all over my legs.

then on Saturday...I got to hang out with Erik, Adi, Nita, Leen, John, and Kevin (although he dissappeared for a while) it was really fun hangin out with Adi and Erik again.....the clubs don't play good musics but I had fun regardless...

then today we ended it with beach...it was cold...so me and Leen went to see Knocked Up instead...it's a really good movie...*sigh*...good weekend =)

OH! and we got our car washed! lol.....

fun nights....

better that we break - maroon 5

I never knew perfection 'til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

So you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby

good mood

today is different....for some reason i am happy for a lot of reasons....my best friend is moving in to her very first town house next week. This is a big step for her, especially with her son, Eli....so so proud of her...on top of that, me and her were talking on the phone doing our weekly updates last night and i just realized how genuinely proud I am of bong and his achievement on his new job. He will learn and grow so much more with his new position...and work is great today because i've accomplished everything that needed be.....ahhhh....time to reward myself by going to the gym and sweat it out......


Happy Birthday, Mom....I love you.

weekend

this weekend reminds me of the weekends i've had before when I was still working at my old place...i just appreciate it so much more...it's Andy's bday this weekend and I'm glad that he had fun celebrating it. The surprise party was a success. I also went to Glenn and Joel's karate tournament today and that was a pretty interesting experience...seeing them sparred and won awards...that was nice...

*sigh* i'm still sad. and I don't know why....

will it be better?

the more I try to move on, the more I seem to drift myself away from Bong, which is suppose to be the natural effect of moving on. funny how one day you think you know someone very well then when everything is over, you can't even read that person anymore. Shattered? perhaps not...disappointed? a little bit...hurt? the pain is inevitable...but i know suffering is optional...my senses is on the right track...it's just kinda hard to control the non-suffering feeling...*sigh*...I guess moving on is simple...it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult...

still waiting for it to be better...

half way there

i hope...

Realization

seriously...i need to get over it...leen is right...i need to live by her motto...i just need to f*ckin get over it...the more i think about it, the more i think this is all not worth getting all sad and disappointed over.....i think i just transitioned to the "realization" stage...realization of how STUPID of me to even think about giving myself a time to be sad and disappointed. stupid Yo stupid Yo....

?

why do I still feel bitter?

gloomy day

when things came to an end, you tend to think about the beginning...especially something or someone that you hold very dear to your heart. You remember where you bought the laptop you broke, you remember vividly what was the weather like when you picked up your very first pet, you remember what place you went on your first date, what you did...reminiscence...it's funny yet it makes a lot of sense.

I think I just want to hold on to those good memories and just remember that at least they were parts of my life. Til now, my heart still aches when I think about it...time will heal it...and I'm still waiting...

*sigh*

This Ain't a Love Song
Bon Jovi

I should have seen it coming when roses died
Should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
I should have listened when you said good night
You really meant good bye
Baby, ain't it funny, how you never ever learn to fall
You're really on your knees, when you think you're standing tall
But only fools are "know-it-alls" and I played that fool for you

I cried and I cried
There were nights that died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy, baby

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

Baby, I thought you and me would stand the test of time
Like we got away with the perfect crime but
We were just a legend in my mind
I guess that I was blind
Remember those nights dancing at the masquerade
The clowns wore smiles that wouldn't fade
You and I were the renegades, some things never change

It made me so mad 'cause I wanted it bad for us baby
Now it's so sad that whatever we had, ain't worth saving
If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I've cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong - this ain't a love song

F**K!

i can't stop
i hate this
i need to get over this. F**K !

H.U.R.T

I'm sorry I had to do this
I'm not one who can just do a smooth transition from lovers to friends
I need time
I'm still hurt
I'm bitter
I don't wanna be angry...I hope you understand.

Robin Thicke concert

So tonight I went to HOB Anaheim to see Robin Thicke...this concert was actually my second one after No Doubt in 2001. It was really good. I am glad he ended it with an old school song: "Let's stay together" that was really dope. Thanks to Emmett for getting tickets for us. Seemed like he enjoyed it the most compare to all of us.

On the poopy side, I hate to feel angry. Angry with the whole situation...I think I know what to do to prevent things from getting worse. This is the time where I have to be selfish.

Go On Girl... - NeYo

Please dont worry bout me im fine
Only gonna play the fool one time
Trust me when I say
That i'll be ok
Go on girl
Go on girl
Go on girl

the mistake i made is clear
thats the reason youre not here
not a single salty tear
not a feeling in my chest
baby im feeling no stress
im too fly to be depressed

Go on Girl

Peace be with you...

So today was a pretty chill day. Woke up pretty late around noon...made some rice for Leen's beef stir fry left over...then we just chilled at our newly decorated living room, vegged out and watch the Break up from HBO ... then we went to the beach...laid there for 2 hours or so...then got home and I took Leen to the church with me. It was her first time and it was pretty interesting...she felt the same way I feel whenever I go to church...peace....i'm glad I could share that with her....*sigh*....may peace be with you =)

May 10, 2007

Rest in Peace, Belle...

after love...

you know for sure that it is sad when you start googling the internet to find out how to cope with a break up....i'm sad...guilty as charged...nothing surprising on the web...everything is pretty much the same....they tell you to write a journal, spend more time with friends, find something new to do...yadda yadda yadda....i think...i'm overlooking these tips...reading them is completely different than actually doing them....i should start doing....

made my day

she made my day yesterday....

SUPPORT

sup·port (sə-pôrt', -pōrt')

1. To hold in position so as to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping.
2. To be capable of bearing; withstand
3. To keep from weakening or failing; strengthen


...



Can you really forgive if you can't forget?

when it rains, it pours

This whole thing is starting to get at me. I can't just sit here in my apartment doing nothing. This whole situation is making me hard to move forward...the whole world seems to be stopping. I know that I have to snap out of this, I know what to do, I know it all...but it certainly is easier said than done...I NEED to do something and keep myself occupied...*SIGH* I know this is something I gotta do...starting all over again is hard...

One and a half year...

Today is exactly one and a half year from October 29, 2006...We failed...At least we failed trying...

giving up...

2004 when I came back here to pursue my interest in Graphic Design...I have completed it...not only that...I have completed it SUCCESSFULLY. I thought I was gonna build a great career with my marketing background as well. I thought everything is going to be a smooth ride.

I just found out I didn't get the visa after all despite the drama that happened with my company. About a week ago, USCIS did the random selection already and they have notified the petitioners whom applications are being processed now. I am one of the people who didn't get it. Just about two weeks ago I am thinking really positively...it's starting to fade away now. There is no point of trying to do it the right way and didn't get it at the end while thousands, or even millions of people out there are staying here illegally. Not to talk shit about them or anything because I do know they're not having it any easier but still...the injustice exists.

I do have backup plans...but I just wish I won't be using any of them...and I am starting to wonder if this is all worth it...

NY TRIP

Was off the hook! It was freezin cold but I had soooo much fun...thanks to Glenn *ahem* we stayed at this ghettoest hotel ever...where you come in...you smell chinese food...with this chinese lady who works at the front desk goin "no mo loom left...you wait...see those people? u wait like them...." lol....I saw Rent again and this time we were in the very first row...I could literally see them spitting when they were singing lol...it was soo much fun...*sigh* now back to reality and I have to find a job =( help me!

Random Rant

So I guess I'm at the acceptance point. Everyone goes through hard times...this is just my time...Its been a really rough month for me. As one of my co-workers puts it....it is a perfect storm. This week also has taught me that I gotta start appreciating little things that pass us by everyday....simple things like gazing at stars while strolling at the beach at night..that was kinda cool...better yet..wishing upon a shooting star :). I know this is a trial...everything happens for a good reason. I'm also reminded that family comes first...I miss them more than I thought I do...

With Bong, things are getting more and more awkward, which I really hate. I feel like I have to watch what I say in front of him. I guess my selfish wish would be for us to be friends just like that...but I realize this needs time...I can only patiently wait without denying that things would be different....I'd rather it to be the beginning of the end than the long goodbye...

HOPEFUL

One can only hope that this perfect storm shall pass. I have always been taught that being tested for your future is part of life. I can only walk forward and think positively. If I fall, I fall forward. Thank you for all of the supports from friends & family. Bong, thank's for the stuffed chicken, it was awesome. Sorry for pushing you away. Don't hate me.

Not knowing vs. wanting

You'll find ways if you want.

Rough week

Seems like I take my good times for granted. Few things have happened since the last time I wrote my blog. Work has been going through some bumpy road lately, especially last week and this week. Even worse, when you're looking forward to enjoying your weekend because of the rough weeks, everything's not going the way I wanted it to be. I feel like I am being tested constantly. I am dealing with it, I just wish I have someone to complain to. Maybe I need this...some time alone by myself to reflect. I don't like myself and my life lately.