that one person u call when u have troubles....

Just saw Closer again at Erik's place and it sorta brought me back to real life where I feel like obsession and love can get pretty blurry...was I obsessed with Bong? I don't know...I do know that when Erik described his relationship with his ex...it definitely is NOT what I have with Bong...they still call each other when they wanna have that one person to talk to...it's like they have that connection that will last even when they're not together...

Me? I went down my list on my iPhone when I want that one person to talk to...if that one person isn't available..then I go to the next one...lol...it's sad but HEY, at least I have people to talk to...it's just that...sometimes it's nice to be that FIRST person to be called when that someone needs someone to talk to.....

Had a conference call with Adi and Erik this afternoon...that was fun...they will forever be my boys no matter what :) I just wish I have that one extended group of friends that I can hang with just like how they have their own....I envy their social lives...but I am forever grateful for their friendship...

morning thoughts...

I had a dream about Bong...it was kinda blurry...I don't remember much about it but I just remember waking up feeling just a little uneasy. I think I'm going to take some of my friends' advices to actually go and see a shrink. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like I really need it...well at least not first in my priority but eventually I think I will see a shrink ahhaha...

I had a nice night last night...hung out with Tinia and her fiance, Harry, we saw "I love you, man." It was a hilarious movie...I had a couple of good laughs...that's all that matter =).

My closet broke. That's just another thing that I have to deal with. It's kinda funny actually but I am not liking the fact that I have to deal with the property management fixing it for a couple of days. On top of that, I finally liked the feeling of me settling down in my new place....but this whole thing happened...hahaha...oh well...small things though...

Listening to John Legend now and putting it on shuffle...I feel relaxed...more thoughts later..

I feel you, Kate Monster...

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

In a relationship

That's right! I am in a relationship now!!! With my new baby!!!! :D. Just like when you first got into one, you say, "She/he is soo not my type...but I end up with her/him anyway..." Totally how I feel right now lol...

May I introduce you to....my ride...not sure bout the name yet...ideas???




Crazy...I know...I never ever thought that I would drive a bimmer in my entire life. But then again, I believe that everything happens for a reason. My brother in law is selling his bimmer because he got a new car...he sold it for me for a 'family' price. I trust him for taking care of it because he is a car kinda guy. Plus, it eliminated the hassle of me buying a second-hand car from a stranger, which is gonna cost me pretty much the same for a lower quality car.

Highlight of my weekend down in OC:

I was hanging out with Calie when she was having her dinner....I got hungry so I was munching on some peanuts...she looked at me and wanted some...afraid that she'd choke on it, my immediate reasoning was to tell her that peanuts are adults' snacks. Then she asked...when will she be an adult...I said...it will be a while....she then said, "I want it to be faster..." I immediately looked her in the eyes and said..."Honey, you don't want to rush it...remember this....take your time growing up...you won't regret it."

Saying that to a 3-year-old has definitely reminded me how sometimes, you just wanna rush into things cuz life just passes you by without you even enjoying the ride or knowing it...

*sigh* I swear sometimes I feel like Calie teaches me way more than I teach her....

that papercut ache you feel but it's on your heart...

Hi,

It's been a year and some odd months ever since I broke up with Bong. I am still paying for my dues. At least I'm at the point where I really really genuinely want to move on. I cannot wait to get a job so I can just stay focus on that.

I heard from a good friend today that you had your birthmark removed. As soon as I heard that...I suddenly felt this small, little heartache...kinda like a papercut...I just feel like that's a part of you that I really really love and adore...and now it's gone...

Then I am reminded of how much I am out of your life now. I'm really really slowly fading into the background just like what Ne Yo said hahahaha....I don't know you anymore.

Maybe I should see this as a good sign :) for me to move on. No more those familiar things that keeps me from thinking of you.

Maybe it's time for me to say goodbye for real...no more Bong that I was madly in love with. That Bong is gone...

an update...just for you, P.

So...I moved to L.A.

People had been asking me when I was up north..."How do you feel?"

Honestly, I was indifferent about it. I just felt like it needed to be done. I feel I will have a better chance in finding a job here. Not to mention, coming home to a familiar face is always nice. Leen was my roommate before I moved to SF. We're comfortable to each other and we seem like we know what our roles are when it comes to house chores.

I had a farewell thing with the boys (4 minutes) from SF and after that night, I just wished I spent more time with them because they are all nice. I could see myself being close to all of them.

One thing that I also missed was the ability to walk outside without feeling out of place. I can't really do that here just because people actually drive to go from point A to point B. I'm gonna have to get used to that whole So Cal lifestyle again.

Of course, I miss P. Just going to her place and have random dinner and a glass of wine or whatever.

It sucks to not have my life where I want it to be now but I am hoping and praying to God that it will get better. In the mean time, whoever read this, please pray for me...

Something to share....my new apt

A view when you walked into our apartment

Kitchen is on the right side...you can tell we don't have furniture yet...lol

Our Kitchen

Inspired by Pen's room...I put curtains before you walk into my side of room

A view when the curtain is opened

My bathroom on the left after you walk through the curtain

My bedroom on the right

Looking out from inside the curtain

A little peek of my bedroom...still not organized/messy

A little peek of Leen's room...much more organized...

Ramble Ramble Bla bLa Bla

Hello,

Just a little update about my life.

First off, I have to be honest, I feel like my life has been kinda all over the place lately. I guess it's because I have NO IDEA where my life is going to be one month from now.

I decided to leave SF.

Yes.

I know.

Leen was asking me if this is another "running away" attempt that I am pulling. And I thought to myself before answering that question...then I answered..."I think I am actually paying it back right now because I was running away before."

Don't get me wrong...I'm glad it happened. I wouldn't have met great people here and my friendship with Prelita wouldn't have been developed.

I also have to be honest that I am kinda excited to live in LA with Leen. I am just hoping and praying to God that I will find a JOB soon!!!

I have also been working part time with Annie which I have to admit, helps me a little bit to get going and make my days a little more productive.

Random stuff that I have in mind:

• Not too fond of family drama...then again...who is?
  
• Had weird but nice dinner with the Ex
• When I was walking back home this morning, I couldn't stop thinking about the Ex
• I don't know why
• Kelly Clarkson's New Album is awesome
• I like Estelle's album too
• I miss Simba...so much
• I miss Calie....
• I miss my brother
• I miss my Dad
• I wanna go to China with my Dad
• I imagine how my life would be a lot different if I'm not gay
• I love rain...sometimes...
• I don't have game...case in point: this guy came up to me last night and told me that I'm cute bla bla bla...instead of saying thanks and asking his name...i asked..."why?" lol....totally killed it.
  

Just want to count my blessings instead of focusing on negative stuff :) thanks, loved ones !

Bleh...

I must admit...it's been a hard week for me. I woke up each and every day thinking what should I do today to make me feel productive. I've applied to jobs, haven't heard from all of the interviews I've been to. I mean...seriously...I'm feeling a little disorganized. I have all the time in my world now and I starting to miss Bong again...a lot. *sigh* I hope things will get better...I know it will.

Sex in a relationship?

Honestly, this is just another rant from another complex guy, trying to make it in this world. I'm sure there's a lot of entries that are similar to what I'm about to ponder...

Sex in a relationship...how important is this?

I had a conversation with one of my dear friends last night discussing about this. He pretty much is struggling with his relationship right now because he's just not satisfied physically...HOWEVER, emotionally, his lover is completely competent in fulfilling that. I mean, yes, it can sound really shallow. BUT, at the same time, the boy has needs. And honestly, this goes beyond just pure sex. It's about attraction, it's about chemistry.

The more we discussed about it last night, the more I appreciate the rarity of finding that right person, to just have a chemistry with...

Then, of course, I looked back...with what I had with Bong....again....

How everything was just there. Chemistry, attraction, and most importantly, passion.

We fought our hearts out...then we make up.

I don't know if this is actually good or bad....but I know for a fact that I can never felt like that to a person ever again...

Very Productive Day

I FINALLY re-designed my website!!!!! Please check it out:

www.yoniusdesign.com

Also, totally into ABDC Season 3 now...my top three crews thus far:

I remember...

Sometime around this time last year....bong was sick...and I made arroz kaldo for the first time...le sigh....

LET GO!!!!!!

Today I was definitely tested to let go. And I think I failed. So I got a text message from Bong asking me about my dating life, which wasn't true. Regardless, I had to open my big mouth to my friend, and he told a friend, and then went to Bong. Basically the whole thing got into this big commotion that was unnecessary.

What have I learned from this? I have learned that I still am very sensitive about what's been said about me to Bong. I have also learned that Bong doesn't really care anyways but deep down, I want him to (I just learned about this as well).

So what's the conclusion? I freaking need to let go still...I thought I was doing fine. I guess I'm not. On my defense, it's the principal behind it. Something untrue was said about me and therefore I get worked up about it. However, next time I should've handled it better by not telling people about it. And go right to the source.

I just have to focus on finding a job for me. Seriously. Let go.

Freaking CornFed

So I'm watching Real Chance of Love and I relate myself A LOT to this girl, CornFed. There's a part when she said, "I wanna cry, I wanna smile, I have mixed emotions now!" as corny as that sounds, I felt like that once....she cried when she told Real that she's in love....it happened to me too haha...*sigh*

I know this is bad...reminiscing and all..this is the poem Bong wrote to me once.

Hi There

There's a reason why I haven't been writing for a while. I have been busy looking for a job. Yes. I am actually down in Southern California again because I had a job interview on Wednesday with Perkins+Will. I really hope I can get this job just because I feel like there's a lot opportunities for me to grow in this company. At the same time, I am hoping to stay here in the States due to my visa situation.

I had a chance to hang out with the people I wanted to hang with while I am down here. The more I come down here, the more I appreciate L.A. Weather's been perfect down here. I miss the hot, nice, beachy kinda weather.

Not sure if this has anything to do with me spending more time here but I feel like the older I get, the harder it is for me to gain new friends. I had a great conversation with Leen and she told me that the breakup between Bong and I had actually made me closer to my friends. I think she's right.

I'm gonna add a new resolution for my new years: to spend more time with my friends. It sounds really simple, but I've been really happy and content these past couple of days when spending time with my friends :).

3rd st Promenade with the boys

Of course, playing hide and seek with Calie is ALWAYS fun ;)

PS: I miss my sfbff......

Happy New Year 2009

So I have made a few resolutions for the year of 2009. I've read a few books about setting up goals and measuring results. I have to be as specific as I can. So here goes...

To find a steady job and stay here in the States

• I will apply for at least 5 job openings per week
• While doing this, I will design website, logos, layouts, t-shirt print, etc. to build my portfolio
• I will also commit at least 5 hours per week to update my website

To love my family and very close friends and put them first

• I will spend time with my close friends at least once a week
• I will write on my cousins' friendster wall, email, or text message them at least twice a month

To do martial arts

• I will join either Karate, Tae Kwon Do, or Jiu Jitsu as soon as I get a job.
• I will do my research for now and check which one fits me the most

To learn how to cook more foods

• I will cook at least 1 dish from Mens Health per month
• I will cook at least 1 dish from my chef roommate, John, or Fenny
• I will experiment at least 1 dish per month

To have a better workout routine and jog more

• I will continue going to the gym and commit at least 5 days per week
• I will incorporate jogging into one of my workout days
• I will eat healthier and eat more breakfast

They probably will grow over time and over years. But this is good for now. I'm gonna close this with a little fun video I made with animoto of Calie and I